Am I scared of being debt free?

Well I could be … or I could just be giving in to my usual consumer tendencies. It’s my week off and I’ve been itching to go out and start purchasing the items needed for our room and the office. Thing is, I promised myself I’d pay off our debt before I did any of this. Not only that, but our other priority is saving for our joint birthday party, so furniture should be right down on my wish list.

Sometimes, the way my focus drifts so easily, I start thinking maybe I don’t really want to be out of debt. You know, in the same way they say that some obese people are actually subconsciously terrified of being thin because they fear the attention that comes with being attractive and noticed by the opposite sex? Maybe I don’t want to be debt-free because then I’d really have the chance to plan ahead. Maybe I don’t trust myself. It’s easy being in debt, because you have no choice but to pay off what you owe and you don’t have to think about what else you’d be doing with your money.

I’m trying to think of reasons I might subconsciously want to delay paying off my debt. Well, first and most obviously, it’s a hell of a lot easier to be in debt and get what you want straight away! But what else … I’m wondering what my subsconscious thoughts are about money and debt, and if these have anything to do with my money mood swings. Here’s my initial thoughts:

Money is hard work.

You can’t trust in money. It’s easy to lose.

There’s never enough.

How will I know which house to buy, or how much to pay?

Should I spend money on fun things or start saving once the debt is gone?

How would I know if something was a good investment? What if I lost it all?

Those are just a few things I typed without censoring myself. I’m surprised … I guess I thought I was more confident about my ability to manage my money. I notice there aren’t really any positive comments there. Is this how I really feel or just how I feel today?

Maybe all this has nothing to do with why I have been close to sabotaging myself in the past few days. In any case, I might have to keep myself away from retail opportunities over the next week or so and wait for these consumer desires to wear off!

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