A fight about money

Oh yuck! What a bad start to a Saturday morning. My husband and I had a fight that started off with some simple words – `it’s ok, you just have to tell me when you’re going to buy stuff like that’. Depending on your perspective, those words could be completely reasonable or the rantings of a tyrant! And they came out of my mouth.

My husband went out and bought some stuff for the car – perfectly reasonable things we need to buy anyway before we take our car out into the middle of nowhere for my university rural elective. However, the total was $95. It’s a hard situation – I know we have to spend the money but I was hoping to drag it out for a while before parting with the cash. As my husband pointed out, it’s only a few weeks till we go.

But this conversation ended up beng a catalyst for a fight. He also said he felt like I made the biggest deal about everything to do with money now, and obviously he couldn’t even go out and buy necessary things without checking with me first.

He was tired and we were both upset. I certainly don’t want to make him feel like he has to check everything with me, but I don’t think he sees how hard I work to balance the books! I pointed this out, and that without planning it would be easy to go out and buy lots of things we `need’ for the trip. This was a bit unfair because he almost never buys unnecessary items.

We resolved it, and I said we should just have a chat about how much he thinks we need to get the car ready for travel. Then, once I know, I can allocate money that way.

I think we are just both sick of living on one income, but I also don’t think my husband has quite figured out how much I have changed when it comes to money. He couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t use some of the $2000 we have saved to buy the things we need for the trip. He said he thought that was the point of saving (ie to avoid using a credit card). I said that if we used that money for something like this, then we would start making almost any scenario into an emergency. He also said he couldn’t understand why I would make saving a priority when we are so close to having a second income, and since we have to go on this trip, which will require cash and the cost of mechanical work on the car. I said if we acted like that money wasn’t there, we would probably find another way to pay for everything (besides credit!). After all, we have before!

It’s ok, we will get through it. He actually is on my side about this – he was just having one of those days when he feels sick of watching every dollar. I know days like that well.


  1. No one ever said it’d be easy 😦 I’m sorry you had to go through it, but he’ll be happy in the end…

  2. Sharon said

    Money can be such a sore point between couples-I tend to the finances and sometimes I feel good about it and other days I wish things could be different! I suppose there is always a push and pull situation every now and then-as long as it gets resolved, thats the main thing!

  3. debtfretter said

    Thanks for the moral support guys! We had a hug last night and he assured me that he is `in awe’ of what I/we achieve with the money we have. He just sometimes feels like nobody else out there is thinking so hard about these little purchases, and sometimes he wonders why we have to. I told him that the people who weren’t thinking aboutit might be mindlessly digging themselves into debt one dollar at a time, and a lot of the rest were probaby in the same boat we are (it’s just that friends don’t often talk about these things).
    Thanks again!

  4. Dolly Iris said

    Yeah, money is so frustrating. It’s the number one cause of fights amongst couples. Sometimes BF and I have fights about money but not too often. I am just like you, I like to watch every dollar and hate overspending. I guess I’m more aware of what’s happening with money and he doesn’t understand its importance to me.

    It’s great to read you made up and things are going good:)

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